smallslave's Xanga

courtesy of Meyers, Briggs and Jung

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 15:36:22 GMT

For those of you who know me...true, has some good points, or time to retake the test?

"Quiet, serious, sensitive and kind. Do not like conflict, and not likely to do things which may generate conflict. Loyal and faithful. Extremely well-developed senses, and aesthetic appreciation for beauty. Not interested in leading or controlling others. Flexible and open-minded. Likely to be original and creative. Enjoy the present moment"

a entry to commemorate this special day

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 15:34:20 GMT

yes, this day was "special."

spent most of the day alone, except for class and dinner with some friends, and a meeting. it was the lonesomest bday i ever spent. people here don't know me well but why didn't i gather everyone together? to me it's weird for me to gather other people to celebrate my birthday.

well, on to the good stuff first - the things i'm grateful for. my class is 1 on 1, just my teacher and i. when i walked in she had written happy bday in chinese w/ some designs on the board. she gave me a card and a book in chinese - my first chinese book given to me in china! and it's in chinese! haha...tang dynasty poetry with comic illustrations. pretty interesting. it's 'cause i told her my goal is to learn chinese well enough to write tang poetry.

the team knows i'm not eating sweets so the cake was a glass dish full of fruit with candles stuck onto the honeydew melon. it was the healthiest, most nutritious bday cake ever in the history of mankind in all of existence forever eternally. watermelon, green grapes, cantaloupe, honeydew. mmmmm. another team member gave me a card with a red envelope. so nice :)

what'd i do today?
wanted to wake up early. couldn't b/c stayed up late tryin to help a friend burn a DVD for a slideshow. REALLY NOW! it shouldn't be that %$#@! hard. codecs and file conversions and watermarks and taking hours to convert/burn. so i woke up late. went to try to return somethin at the supermarket, got spoken to very rudely, then i yelled back, and was rude in return. then left. tried to cool off. customer service here is NOTHING like the states. planned to go to bally's for a workout after, but as i went up on the elevator i had a feeling i wouldn't be able to. i was right. they were cleaning but still open. the lady told me uselessly that i could take a bath but couldn't use the machines. i told her i was clean and left disappointedly. that was my morning, and that was when i started missing home very badly.

the whole day i was depressed and full of tears missing home. listening to hosanna made me think of SB. the nice thing was eating a nice and slow lunch at a western restaurant and staring out the window and writing in my journal:

"living is hard; being an adult is harder. kids and adults both go through the same thing: things don't go according to plan, disappointments, unmet expectations, didn't get what i wanted, ridiculously frustrating. but kids can cry it out, scream, throw a tantrum, roll around on the floor a couple of times, then be done with it. give them a popsicle and they're fine. however, no matter how many popsicles you give them, it's not as easy for adults. and actually, we can't express our frustration/rage the same way. social norms and all that. if an adult cries or something happens there isn't always someone by their side.

this is one diff btwn kids and adults...and today, i miss being a kid."

parents called and dad sang one line "happy bday to you" and mom sang the next line, alternating. melt my heart. i miss them so much and had a good convo. one of the rare times that i was honest w/ my feelings with them, telling them how much i wanted to be in the states at least for today. never been away from friends for my bday before. (lots of Fs in that last sentence.) i guess that's kinda "special"

so this bday was very diff from all my other bdays. the saddest, disappointingest, loneliest, and REALEST: i realized i needed to be honest w/ myself and w/ my feelings. "you shouldn't feel that" had always been in my life and it doesn't help. emotional constipation. and i realized that for this day, i honestly don't need to accomplish what i had planned to make it "special." i found out honestly what i wanted - to be w/ my friends. after the supermarket i went to play video games so i could shoot or hit something to relieve aggression...but when i got there i didn't want to. it felt so empty. (and expensive). so i went to eat lunch and sit and stare and pray and write. ultimately, i spent this day alone but i spent it with him, being honest with him bout what i was feelin and missing home a LOT and telling him.

so this day was special, but extremely not-in-the-way-i-thought. i miss you guys a lot.

grateful,
v

some thoughts

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 15:08:33 GMT

from an email i wrote to a good friend when i first started workin at finestra...edited for content and length. what do you think about this?

been thinkin and learnin a lot about self-absorption. american xtianity
is so influenced by american consumer culture - we even bring this "gimme"
mentality to ch: sit back, observe, critique, consume. "the message was
so-so. i couldn't relate to it. he wasn't funny enough. no one greeted me.
the coffee's cold. the room doesn't smell good - not attractive to
newcomers. the worship style was too contemporary/traditional. the chairs
are too hard." yeah man, those thoughts aren't unfamiliar to my own mind.
a consuming ch. ugh. and even in our relationships, too, even with G.
it's a hard thing to deal with - especially when i think about what G
might think about this. but i'm hopin to hear his opinion, rather than my
own thoughts and conclusions. gotta have some balance...especially when i
start judging all my customers - it's funny but it's not acceptable.
customer: "i want a bible in pink. dusty rose. no, not that one - that one's
a one year. plus, the shade of pink isn't right. anyway, i want a regular
bible, not a one-year. or, i want a NIV bible with study notes,
center-column references, and a gray and brown duo-tone leather cover. and i
want it compact." me: "give me a BREAK! are you frickin KIDDING me!? that
you even get to HAVE a bible is already more than you deserve! get OVER
yourself!" of course, i can't say these things, and i didn't. started to
think them, though. it's hard to think about self-absorption and hate
american materialistic consumerism when you work in retail. we're supposed
to serve and love and minister to the customers. so i need some balance.
'cause some customers have genuine needs, i.e. giant print. gyahahaha

anyway...i think about what counter-culture means. it's nothing big in this
context; we don't need an overthrow or a revolution - but what if i started
living selfless in a selfish culture? american consumer culture teaches,
promotes, encourages, pushes, forces
self-addiction/idolatry/absorption/centrism whatever. (look at ads and look at
the words used and what they're telling you to value) Jesus said, "die to
yourself, vince. how about stop thinkin bout how to please your flesh? pick
up your cross and follow me. we're gona go somewhere." to be counter-culture
is to...feed the flesh less. buying habits...clothes, eating, spending,
media...oh boy, MEDIA. that's one of the biggest things. 'cause you know,
even christian books are media.

yeah; that's what i've been thinkin about. ...
now, here's the kicker, from the back cover of a book called When People are
Big and God is Small. "Need people less. Love people more." *bam*...somethin
even more for me to think about.

for Him

Fri, 30 May 2008 14:33:54 GMT

kids,

may this banquet bring Him glory.
with you in spirit

but not in truth! haha...miss you and love you

v

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Thu, 29 May 2008 03:26:29 GMT

Facing a task unfinished,

That drives us to our knees,

A need that, undiminished,

Rebukes our slothful ease.

We who rejoice to know Thee,

Renew before Thy throne

The solemn pledge we owe Thee,

To go and make Thee known.

Where other lords beside Thee

Hold their unhindered sway,

Where forces that defied Thee

Defy Thee still today.

With none to heed their crying

For life, and love, and light,

Unnumbered souls are dying,

And pass into the night.

We bear the torch that, flaming,

Fell from the hands of those

Who gave their lives, proclaiming

That Jesus died and rose.

Ours is the same commission,

The same glad message ours,

Fired by the same ambition,

To Thee we yield our powers.

O Father who sustained them,

O Spirit who inspired,

Saviour, whose love constrained them

To toil with zeal untired.

From cowardice defend us,

From lethargy awake!

Forth on Thine errands send us,

To labour for Thy sake.

Frank Houghton (1894-1972)

y

Mon, 26 May 2008 04:58:27 GMT

why does the creation account of genesis 1 say that God created man after He created plant life, and the creation account of genesis 2 say that God created man before He created plant life?

:D!

Sat, 24 May 2008 01:41:37 GMT

my visa has shipped out from the visa service and is due in monday! i won't know how many days it is until it gets here. then i'll reveal plan B in the even of the visa being too short...but i've prayed and believed in faith for 90 days! that's the best case scenario.

do what You want, i pray.

thanks for your prayers! now pls pray that i would react with calmness and maturity no matter how many days it is.

ya ya yaaaaa!!

visa update

Thu, 22 May 2008 14:27:03 GMT

V.I.S.A.

vigorous intensive stress assessment

MONDAY: sent off my visa app to houston on b/c we heard of people getting generous visas from there. 90 days! singapore consulate doesn't appear so generous.

THURSDAY:
visa service: we got your papers, you're missing some documents. we can't process the application until you give us documents.
me: o_O!!! i'm an american citizen, i'm not going to have those documents. only chinese/taiwanese citizens have those.
visa service: OHHHH. aite'den, just write a letter to the consulate and sign it then email it to us.

so i sent it just now. another small setback/obstacle. i wasn't surprised. i was ready for it 'cause i just spent time with Him.
i could've hulked out and went super saiyan in all frustration and agony, after all this time there are STILL problems?!!?! eeeyargh allalaargh!

but i didn't. seems like God is teaching me and by His grace I'm responding to treatment. haha...

still, would appreciate your prs!

for pamela & yukes

Mon, 19 May 2008 06:26:08 GMT

Oh deer! Man cops wrath of amorous stag

SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian man was gored in the thigh on Friday by an amorous stag after entering a deer paddock in the middle of the breeding season.

The 26-year-old worker at the tourist farm near Sydney ignored signs on the paddock gate warning people to keep out and was charged by the stag, the husband of the farm's owner told Reuters.

"It was the middle of the rut (breeding season), that is why the animal was acting like it did," Barry Hibbard told Reuters.

The man, who was apparently trying to feed some grass cuttings to the deer, was taken to hospital after the incident and is expected to be sent home later on Friday, Hibbard said.

Hibbard said the animal was usually very docile, but did not take kindly to the intrusion of another male into its territory.

"He had six or seven girlfriends, you can imagine he would be protective in those circumstances," Hibbard said.

"I know I would be if I was that lucky."

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSSYD24659520080516?sp=true

a good one to ponder

Tue, 13 May 2008 09:06:49 GMT

does God hate?